Whether or not your partner is right for you is one of the most important decisions of your life. Your entire future depends on these choices so how can you be sure you have the picked the right one?
Well, the first thing you need to do is honestly ask yourself is why you love or are with your partner? You would be surprised at the answers you hear when you ask that same question to your friends.
The wrong answers to that question include the following:
Because they love me.
It's better than being alone.
I don't want to hurt them.
Because I am not sure I would find someone better.
These answers indicate a relationship built upon fear, insecurity and pity. There are good matches out there, but if there are too many ifs, ands or buts then sooner or later the relationship will fail. Now that doesn't mean you will break up, you could stay together for the rest of your lives and still fail as a couple.
So the question still remains, how do you choose the right partner?
Obviously you are going to choose a partner that you are physically
attracted to. Apart from that aspect, there are a few important areas you should look at:
Communication Level
When you talk to them, are they on the same level as you? How long does it take them to answer your question? Do you get bored because they answer everything else under the sun rather than the question you asked or do you enjoy the tangents they take you on?
Do they speak very slowly compared to you? Do they understand you when you speak? Can you really talk to them about absolutely anything? This may not seem important now but could you imagine living with someone for the next 50 - 70 years that can never answer a direct question, frustrates you to no end by their speed of communication and just doesn't get it when are trying to explain something to them?
Common Interests
This is really a given. You have to have something in common with them to be able to be with them. Otherwise you will have nothing to talk about and nothing to do together. Yes, physically you may have great sex, but how far can that really take you? When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other person... or you end up living completely separate lives.
Ambitions
Do you both want the same things in life or are they going to hold you back? Are they willing to let you have that career you have always wanted? Even if it means working long hours plus going to school at night?
Ethics Level
Do they have the same values as you? Would they feel totally OK doing something that you would have strong objections to or vice versa? Do you have the same beliefs on major issues such as religion, prejudice, raising children etc? If not, is this something that will become a problem in the future?
Grooming and Cleanliness
Are they a slob and you the type of person that likes to keep the house immaculate? Do you take the same level of care of your appearance?
There is a lot of false information about relationships out there. One of the biggest lies is that opposites attract. That is really just a myth. Now a lot of the things I have listed above do come down to personal choice. It comes down to what you are and are not willing to accept. Just because you have fallen in love with someone does not mean that they are the right one for you. The number of people in physically abusive relationships should be testament enough to that. One thing is for sure. Do not settle for something less than you want because you are scared of hurting them, being alone or you feel this might be the best you can get. You never know what you might have missed that was right around the corner. Settling is always settling, no matter what way you look at it. By doing so, you will be left with a lifetime of "what ifs".
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