清晨，半梦半醒之间。一半的醒，是因为灵敏的双耳清楚地听到收音机传来悦耳的音乐。一半的梦，是因为紧闭的双眼还看得到昨夜怪梦的片段。闹钟在不知不觉中响起，把我从那一半的梦渐渐带回到那一半的醒。我慢慢地把手伸出温暖的被窝，在那刺骨的寒冷中寻找片刻的宁静。又是一个寒冷的早晨，不知今天又有什么值得我去期待？
拉开窗帘，刺眼的阳光用那淡淡的温柔向我问好。又是新的一天，昨夜已成过去，而今天又要面对另一个未来。望向窗外，熟悉的大海和辽阔的天空依然不变。随之而来的，是那清爽的海风与阅耳的浪声。放眼望去，是一个没有尽头的世界。
夜，在太阳离去之后。当寒冷取代了令人陶醉的温暖，才发觉阳光不曾向我道别离，有如我当日的离去。因为心里深深地知道，道别只会令彼此更加依依不舍。竟然离别已是个不变的事实，又何苦增加彼此的失落与惆怅。我再次扭开收音机，让那优美的音乐伴我入梦。在入睡前，细细地回味今天所经历的事物，让这一天永远留在记忆里。
每天在期待中清醒，每夜在回味中入梦。如果生命中的每一天都那么值得去期待与回味，生活会变得更充实，更有意义。我不知明日将往何处去，只知道我已到过何处。这些年来，很多事物都已改变，只有那风浪依然没变，依旧长伴我左右。也许只要有风浪的过处，就会有我的踪迹。
期待每一天，回味每一夜。
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
独步浪天涯
我默默地凝望着镜中的面孔，心想，这几年来有几次真正地把自己看清楚？如果有一天，我在大街上遇到一个和我长的很相象的人，我是否能一眼就把他认出来？我低头看着身上留下的道道疤痕，每一道疤痕都是一次惨痛的教训，提醒自己要好好地保重身体。何必在乎一个臭皮囊？我几乎什么也不在意，甚至可以在暴风雨中入睡，这也许是天塌下来就当被盖的那种无忧情怀吧？
我披上那黑色的外套，戴上我心爱的墨镜，再把我独特的个性挂在胸前。我慢慢地向岸上走去，前方有一条很漫长的道路等着我去走完它。漂泊了那么久，终于再次有机会脚踏实地的做人。路的一端是一个关卡，是人与人之间无法互相信任的结果，好像锁头一样，把每个人的内心世界都琐起来。关卡的守卫要求我交出证件，再把我的姓名报上。心想，名字对我来说只是一个无谓的代号。自从一个我心仪已久的女孩亲口告诉我，说她这么多年来都不知我的真名之后。我才发觉，很多人已经渐渐地以我的代号取代了我的真名。
背包是我唯一的负担，前程是我唯一的牵挂，我又再次踏上那漫漫的天涯路。从来不曾对某个地方存有留恋，就是喜欢独自走在那缓缓的不归路。不知为何一定要在那陌生的异地，留下那长长的足迹，才能得到心灵上的满足。我回头望着自己留下的脚印，深深地感觉到自己的存在，那是故乡无法给我的一种感受。我心满意足地继续我的旅途，至少我已经找回了曾经失去的自我，这一生总算没有白活。众人皆浊我独清，众人皆醉我独醒，自古英雄皆寂寞，唯我独步浪天涯。
自古英雄皆寂寞
我披上那黑色的外套，戴上我心爱的墨镜，再把我独特的个性挂在胸前。我慢慢地向岸上走去，前方有一条很漫长的道路等着我去走完它。漂泊了那么久，终于再次有机会脚踏实地的做人。路的一端是一个关卡，是人与人之间无法互相信任的结果，好像锁头一样，把每个人的内心世界都琐起来。关卡的守卫要求我交出证件，再把我的姓名报上。心想，名字对我来说只是一个无谓的代号。自从一个我心仪已久的女孩亲口告诉我，说她这么多年来都不知我的真名之后。我才发觉，很多人已经渐渐地以我的代号取代了我的真名。
背包是我唯一的负担，前程是我唯一的牵挂，我又再次踏上那漫漫的天涯路。从来不曾对某个地方存有留恋，就是喜欢独自走在那缓缓的不归路。不知为何一定要在那陌生的异地，留下那长长的足迹，才能得到心灵上的满足。我回头望着自己留下的脚印，深深地感觉到自己的存在，那是故乡无法给我的一种感受。我心满意足地继续我的旅途，至少我已经找回了曾经失去的自我，这一生总算没有白活。众人皆浊我独清，众人皆醉我独醒，自古英雄皆寂寞，唯我独步浪天涯。
自古英雄皆寂寞
一千零二夜
是夜，波斯湾之夜。我躺在吊床上，欣赏着阿拉伯的夜空，仿佛又回到一千零一夜的神话故事里。是这美丽的大自然，令我再一次投入大海的怀抱。心里默默地回味三年前的天涯之旅，很想大声地告诉那些无知的世人，什么样的大风大浪我没见过？谁说曾经沧海难为水？三年后，我还是一条好汉，不曾尝过晕船的滋味。
不知是不是心理作用，总觉得在故乡看星空，好比那井底蛙。可能是因为有太多的高楼大厦阻挡，也可能是因为生活太紧促。船在辽阔的星空下航行，令我有一种错觉，好像身在无边无际的宇宙。
不时有流星划过天边，我尽我所能，在流星消失之前许个愿。每个人都有很多梦想要实现，我这一生也为一个梦想而活。这也许是让我再度漂泊的理由吧？很执着是吗？也许我天生注定是个浪子。
我再次望向流星划过的天边，因为那里有我崇高的理想。我可能永远也无法实现，可是我可以日夜向那处了望，坚信这个梦想，并努力使它成为现实。就让这个梦想成为第一千零二夜的神话故事吧！毕竟，人间还是充满着希望。
一生只为一个梦
不知是不是心理作用，总觉得在故乡看星空，好比那井底蛙。可能是因为有太多的高楼大厦阻挡，也可能是因为生活太紧促。船在辽阔的星空下航行，令我有一种错觉，好像身在无边无际的宇宙。
不时有流星划过天边，我尽我所能，在流星消失之前许个愿。每个人都有很多梦想要实现，我这一生也为一个梦想而活。这也许是让我再度漂泊的理由吧？很执着是吗？也许我天生注定是个浪子。
我再次望向流星划过的天边，因为那里有我崇高的理想。我可能永远也无法实现，可是我可以日夜向那处了望，坚信这个梦想，并努力使它成为现实。就让这个梦想成为第一千零二夜的神话故事吧！毕竟，人间还是充满着希望。
一生只为一个梦
看海的日子
年幼时，总期盼着母亲带我到海边去看海。一双小脚浸在冰凉的海水里，和母亲从海滩的一端，走到另一端。吹着海风，欣赏着海景，一路上捡着各式各样的贝壳。每一次的海滩漫步，就象生命的旅途，充满着新奇的事物让你去发觉。
年轻时，总喜欢和一群好友到海边谈心。一口一口地喝着冰冷的啤酒，从白天谈到日落，从黑夜谈到日出，只要是天下间的事都无所不谈。每一次的闲聊，都让彼此增了不少见识，也让彼此更加了解对方。
现在的我，终日与海为伍。我看到的海，是真正的海。深深的宝蓝色，一望无际。我现在才发觉，真正的海是看不到陆地的。我们以前看到，脏绿色的那片海，只是海边。
不知你现在还好吗？是否还常到海边去？真的很怀念你们。虽然不能共赏同一片海洋，可是我们还能共赏同一片星空。当你们想起我时，就依在窗前，抬头看看美丽的星空。也许，远在他乡的我，正在与你分享这难得的时刻。
同在一片星空下
年轻时，总喜欢和一群好友到海边谈心。一口一口地喝着冰冷的啤酒，从白天谈到日落，从黑夜谈到日出，只要是天下间的事都无所不谈。每一次的闲聊，都让彼此增了不少见识，也让彼此更加了解对方。
现在的我，终日与海为伍。我看到的海，是真正的海。深深的宝蓝色，一望无际。我现在才发觉，真正的海是看不到陆地的。我们以前看到，脏绿色的那片海，只是海边。
不知你现在还好吗？是否还常到海边去？真的很怀念你们。虽然不能共赏同一片海洋，可是我们还能共赏同一片星空。当你们想起我时，就依在窗前，抬头看看美丽的星空。也许，远在他乡的我，正在与你分享这难得的时刻。
同在一片星空下
洒脱
好大的风，
我静立风中，
让风为我梳个潇洒的发型。
好冷的天气，
我闭上双眼，
让心中对故乡的思念慢慢凝结。
浪拍打着船头，
溅起了浪花，
阳光为短暂的浪花披上了七彩的衣裳。
天流下了泪，
我不躲避，
尽情地享受着被雨亲吻的感觉，
笑问一生中能有几次能如此洒脱。
一生漂泊，天涯为限。
我静立风中，
让风为我梳个潇洒的发型。
好冷的天气，
我闭上双眼，
让心中对故乡的思念慢慢凝结。
浪拍打着船头，
溅起了浪花，
阳光为短暂的浪花披上了七彩的衣裳。
天流下了泪，
我不躲避，
尽情地享受着被雨亲吻的感觉，
笑问一生中能有几次能如此洒脱。
一生漂泊，天涯为限。
Guardian Angel (A Singapore Love Story)
Everything happens in your life for a reason. You might not realize it now, but eventually the truth will be reveal to you at the right moment. It is something they call Karma, Fate or Destiny. What you did in the past will lead to other events which are going to happen to you in the future. It is like wandering at the crossroad, the path which you choose will lead you to a destination. The choices you made in your life will decide you fate in the future. The only regret is that you can never travel back in time and you can never change the things you did. It is a one way path once you cross the point of no return.
Fiona woke up and found herself lying on the hospital bed. She should have been dead, but she was given a second chance in life. This chance doesn’t come easy; it was a sacrifice by someone she loves with all her heart.
She met him about three months ago, on Christmas Eve on a rainy night like this. She was stuck in the rain outside Orchard Paragon after her work, while the Christmas Carol sounds cheerfully in the background of the Shopping Mall. It always rain at these times of the year, she should have listen to her mother advice to bring an umbrella when she head for work from home this morning. She is going to be late for her class, but the rain doesn’t seem to understand her difficulty. Life is hard in a country like Singapore, the cost of living is high and the competition is fierce. You will not be able to survive if you do not upgrade yourself, you will not be able to last even a few months if you loose your job.
“Do you need a lift?”
Fiona wake up from her thought and saw a tall and handsome guy smiling and standing right in front of her.
“I am sorry; I was lost in my thought just now.” Fiona reply.
“I am heading to the MRT station; I can give you a lift if you want.” The guy said pointing to his umbrella.
How nice of him to lend a helping hand, Fiona thought. Most people are so busy with their own life that they seldom bother with other people problems anymore.
“I just need to get to the bus stop in front of the Heeren Shop.” Fiona reply.
“Sure, it is along the way.” The guy said as he open up his umbrella.
It was just a short walk from Orchard Paragon to the Heeren Shop, but it seem like eternity to her. They were so close to each other that Fiona was afraid that the guy might hear her increasing heartbeat. She uses to have heart problem since she was very young, now she doesn’t know whether this increase in her heart beat was cause by her physical or emotional aspect of her body. The guy left her at the bus stop and head straight for the MRT station. She realizes that she had forgotten to ask his name. He might just be another stranger that passes by her life for a brief moment.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning, Fiona decide to try rollerblading with her friends at the East Coast Park. With all the work pressure people suffer these days, it is hard to really enjoy a peaceful weekend without even worrying about work. Just as she was trying her best to balance herself on the pair of rollerblade she just rented, a bike screech stop just right in front of her.
“I am sorry, I was trying to avoid a cat which runs out of nowhere and I didn’t saw you. Are you Ok?” A familiar voice sound just as Fiona was recovering from her fright.
She looks up and saw that guy which had offer to give her lift to the bus stop few days ago.
“Hey, it is you. Remember me?” Fiona said.
“Oh, you are the girl who was stuck in the rain a few days ago. Hi, I am Matthew. Please to meet you again” The guy said.
“I am Fiona. I haven’t got chance to thank you for the help you offer last time, let me buy you a drink to show my thanks.” She replies.
“No, no. I should have bought you a drink to apologize for the fright which I had caused you.” Matthew said.
That whole afternoon, they just sat at the Macdonald drinking their ice tea and talking about their life. They exchange their phone number and promise to keep in contact.
It was a Saturday evening, Fiona and Matthew decided to go out for a date. They met up at City Link Mall and take a slow walk to Suntec City Mall. They have their dinner there and decided to catch a movie after that. After the movie, they went over to the water front at the newly build Esplanade to spend the remaining of their evening.
“Fiona, wake up.” Matthew said.
Fiona woke up and realize that the bus had reach Tampines Bus Interchange near her place. She had fallen asleep during the bus trip back and she saw Matthew shoulder was drench wet with her saliva.
“I was so sorry.” She apologizes to Matthew as her face blushes with embarrassment.
“It’s Ok. It’s natural for girls to drool over me.” Matthew smile and joke about it.
Matthew gives her a kiss and asks her to be his lover.
“I don’t know, Matthew. I had heart problem since I was very young. I don’t know how long I can live. I don’t know how long I can love you.” Fiona said.
“It doesn’t matter whether our love last for a moment or a life time. What matter most is that we will always have each other as long as we live. My heart will beat for both of us.” Matthew reply.
“Let me think about it.” Fiona said.
He walks her home as it was already very late at night.
“Ah Girl, why come back so late? Who is the guy who sends you home just now?” Fiona mother asked.
“Nobody.” Fiona replied as she quickly went to her room to prevent her mother from nagging at her even more.
It was Valentine Day, Fiona decide to cook a nice dinner at her place. It would also be a good chance for Matthew to finally meet her parents too. So they meet up after work at the same place when they first met and head for the super market nearby to buy some stuff.
“Oh, how silly of me. I forgot to get some butter.” Fiona said.
“You wait here while I go back and get some.” Fiona said as she turns around and head back to the super market.
“Fiona, watch out!” Matthew shouted
Fiona turns and saw a car heading toward her at high speed. Matthew rushes in and pushes Fiona away from the incoming traffic. Fiona saw Matthew body been throw out a few meter by the impact of the car while she slowly fall to the ground and fainted.
“Matthew is gone.” A Doctor told her as she woke up from the hospital bed.
“His last wish was to give you his heart. We had managed to perform the heart transplant operation while you were still unconscious. He left you this letter before he die.” The Doctor continues.
Fiona stretch out her trembling hand and reach for the letter, open it up and read.
“Dear Fiona,
I am sorry that I had to leave you alone in this world; I guess my time is up and I had to go to a far away place. Don’t blame yourself for it is not your fault. You would have done the same for me if you were in my shoe. Life is never fair, you win some, and you lose some. I want you to carry on living your life happily without me. My heart will always be with you while my soul will always watch over you.
Love Matthew.”
Tear fall from her eyes as she finish reading the letter. The sky is crying with her as if it knows her pain. If they had never met, she would not feel the sadness she felt today. But she will also never felt the happiness she felt for the pass three months. Now Matthew only exists in her memory. He will be her guardian angel for the rest of her life.
Love start with a smile, grow with a kiss and end with a tear.
Fiona woke up and found herself lying on the hospital bed. She should have been dead, but she was given a second chance in life. This chance doesn’t come easy; it was a sacrifice by someone she loves with all her heart.
She met him about three months ago, on Christmas Eve on a rainy night like this. She was stuck in the rain outside Orchard Paragon after her work, while the Christmas Carol sounds cheerfully in the background of the Shopping Mall. It always rain at these times of the year, she should have listen to her mother advice to bring an umbrella when she head for work from home this morning. She is going to be late for her class, but the rain doesn’t seem to understand her difficulty. Life is hard in a country like Singapore, the cost of living is high and the competition is fierce. You will not be able to survive if you do not upgrade yourself, you will not be able to last even a few months if you loose your job.
“Do you need a lift?”
Fiona wake up from her thought and saw a tall and handsome guy smiling and standing right in front of her.
“I am sorry; I was lost in my thought just now.” Fiona reply.
“I am heading to the MRT station; I can give you a lift if you want.” The guy said pointing to his umbrella.
How nice of him to lend a helping hand, Fiona thought. Most people are so busy with their own life that they seldom bother with other people problems anymore.
“I just need to get to the bus stop in front of the Heeren Shop.” Fiona reply.
“Sure, it is along the way.” The guy said as he open up his umbrella.
It was just a short walk from Orchard Paragon to the Heeren Shop, but it seem like eternity to her. They were so close to each other that Fiona was afraid that the guy might hear her increasing heartbeat. She uses to have heart problem since she was very young, now she doesn’t know whether this increase in her heart beat was cause by her physical or emotional aspect of her body. The guy left her at the bus stop and head straight for the MRT station. She realizes that she had forgotten to ask his name. He might just be another stranger that passes by her life for a brief moment.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning, Fiona decide to try rollerblading with her friends at the East Coast Park. With all the work pressure people suffer these days, it is hard to really enjoy a peaceful weekend without even worrying about work. Just as she was trying her best to balance herself on the pair of rollerblade she just rented, a bike screech stop just right in front of her.
“I am sorry, I was trying to avoid a cat which runs out of nowhere and I didn’t saw you. Are you Ok?” A familiar voice sound just as Fiona was recovering from her fright.
She looks up and saw that guy which had offer to give her lift to the bus stop few days ago.
“Hey, it is you. Remember me?” Fiona said.
“Oh, you are the girl who was stuck in the rain a few days ago. Hi, I am Matthew. Please to meet you again” The guy said.
“I am Fiona. I haven’t got chance to thank you for the help you offer last time, let me buy you a drink to show my thanks.” She replies.
“No, no. I should have bought you a drink to apologize for the fright which I had caused you.” Matthew said.
That whole afternoon, they just sat at the Macdonald drinking their ice tea and talking about their life. They exchange their phone number and promise to keep in contact.
It was a Saturday evening, Fiona and Matthew decided to go out for a date. They met up at City Link Mall and take a slow walk to Suntec City Mall. They have their dinner there and decided to catch a movie after that. After the movie, they went over to the water front at the newly build Esplanade to spend the remaining of their evening.
“Fiona, wake up.” Matthew said.
Fiona woke up and realize that the bus had reach Tampines Bus Interchange near her place. She had fallen asleep during the bus trip back and she saw Matthew shoulder was drench wet with her saliva.
“I was so sorry.” She apologizes to Matthew as her face blushes with embarrassment.
“It’s Ok. It’s natural for girls to drool over me.” Matthew smile and joke about it.
Matthew gives her a kiss and asks her to be his lover.
“I don’t know, Matthew. I had heart problem since I was very young. I don’t know how long I can live. I don’t know how long I can love you.” Fiona said.
“It doesn’t matter whether our love last for a moment or a life time. What matter most is that we will always have each other as long as we live. My heart will beat for both of us.” Matthew reply.
“Let me think about it.” Fiona said.
He walks her home as it was already very late at night.
“Ah Girl, why come back so late? Who is the guy who sends you home just now?” Fiona mother asked.
“Nobody.” Fiona replied as she quickly went to her room to prevent her mother from nagging at her even more.
It was Valentine Day, Fiona decide to cook a nice dinner at her place. It would also be a good chance for Matthew to finally meet her parents too. So they meet up after work at the same place when they first met and head for the super market nearby to buy some stuff.
“Oh, how silly of me. I forgot to get some butter.” Fiona said.
“You wait here while I go back and get some.” Fiona said as she turns around and head back to the super market.
“Fiona, watch out!” Matthew shouted
Fiona turns and saw a car heading toward her at high speed. Matthew rushes in and pushes Fiona away from the incoming traffic. Fiona saw Matthew body been throw out a few meter by the impact of the car while she slowly fall to the ground and fainted.
“Matthew is gone.” A Doctor told her as she woke up from the hospital bed.
“His last wish was to give you his heart. We had managed to perform the heart transplant operation while you were still unconscious. He left you this letter before he die.” The Doctor continues.
Fiona stretch out her trembling hand and reach for the letter, open it up and read.
“Dear Fiona,
I am sorry that I had to leave you alone in this world; I guess my time is up and I had to go to a far away place. Don’t blame yourself for it is not your fault. You would have done the same for me if you were in my shoe. Life is never fair, you win some, and you lose some. I want you to carry on living your life happily without me. My heart will always be with you while my soul will always watch over you.
Love Matthew.”
Tear fall from her eyes as she finish reading the letter. The sky is crying with her as if it knows her pain. If they had never met, she would not feel the sadness she felt today. But she will also never felt the happiness she felt for the pass three months. Now Matthew only exists in her memory. He will be her guardian angel for the rest of her life.
Love start with a smile, grow with a kiss and end with a tear.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Another Love Story
This is another love story, but it doesn’t have an ending, not for the time being. It started off few years ago, after the millennium. I never get Internet ready until after the millennium, when most people ask me why, I just said that it is because of the millennium bug. Actually, the real reason is that I don’t feel the need for it until I came back for my advance diploma.
Life is boring in Singapore, maybe only applied to me. So I was back in Singapore and I am back in poly, and I know that it is going to be a long boring one full year for me. It was one boring afternoon in early February; I went down to Bugis for a walk after I finish my class in poly. I happen to wander into an Internet café and decided to give a try on the Internet. I was sitting in front of the computer staring at the monitor screen, didn’t know where I should start.
Just then I saw a double deck bus passing by outside the café, and there is an ad on a popular website printed on the bus. So I decided to give it a try, and I typed the website address into the browser. It was a good website, I never knew it until much later. I manage to found a chat room channel and went in there for a chat. I didn’t know what nick to use, so I put a make believe name of Hydro, never knew that I was struck with this nick for the rest of my life.
From that chat room, I get to know a lot of friends, mostly girls of course. I slowly get to learn more and more things on the Internet after that, starting from email, messaging, homepage, forum and more. I was kind of addicted to the Internet, never ever able to quit it until now.
It was one evening, about one month later; I was in the same chat room chatting with my regular chat room friends. Katze a nick who have remain silent in the chat room for the pass one month start to PM me, saying that she would like to know more about me, so we start chatting in private.
“Why use a nick as Hydro?”
“The reason for this nick is that I just attend a lesson one morning about machinery lubrication; it can be Hydrodynamic or Hydrostatic. It kind of suit the double personality of me, the dynamic side of me is the cheerful outdoor type who will try any thing for an adventure, the static side of me is the quiet indoor type who can sit down peacefully to enjoy reading a book with a background of smoothing music. And Hydro is another name for water, which is an element that had been closely relate to me since the day I was born. What about you? Why Katze?”
“It is German for Cat.”
“You like cats? You know German?”
“Yes and yes, because I admire the German artist Vincent Van Gogh.”
“Starry Starry Night?”
“How did you know about that?”
“A song I like a lot.”
“Me too, it’s by Don Mclean and the actual name of the song is Vincent.”
Since then Starry Starry Night or so call Vincent have been the song for Katze and me, just like the song Love Me by Collin Raye have been the song for MG and me.
“Why the sudden silent”
“Suddenly thought of my ex girlfriend.”
“You still love her a lot?”
“I don’t know, use to fold 500 paper cranes for her.”
“That is so romantic, just like Vincent Van Gogh.”
“No, Vincent Van Gogh is insane, he cut his ear off.”
“Love is crazy.”
“You like poems?”
“Yes, why?”
“I give you my homepage address, I have posted some of my work there, just tell me what you think after reading that.”
“Ok.”
We log off after that, promise that we will be there for each other at the same time every night.
“Have you read my poems? What did you think about it?”
“Yes, and I felt the sorrow and loneliness in it.”
“How can that be? Most of my friends say that it give them a feeling of a carefree spirit after reading it.”
She was right, she seem to be the only one who can feel what my heart really felt deep inside.
“I saw your photos too, you are so tall and handsome. I always want a boyfriend that look like you.”
“What about you? It is kind of unfair now that you know how I look and I know nothing about you.”
“I don’t have any homepage, do you have ICQ? I send it to you.”
“I Seek You? Sure.”
She was a simple looking girl, but I knew there is a beautiful soul hiding inside there. Since then we switch from chat room to ICQ, until one year later.
“I am finishing my course and I will be going oversea soon, I will not be able to use chat room or ICQ. I give you my email address.”
“Ok, sure.”
She did send me email, nothing interesting except one.
‘The fish is crying, but the water is unable to see it’
I replied.
‘Water doesn’t need to see the tears, because he can feel the fish in his heart.’
It was six long months; actually it would not be so bad if not of the terrorist act on the world trade center. I felt that life is short, so I decide to go Guang Zhou for a tour just to meet Katze in person. I manage to contact her on ICQ and got her mobile phone number. There she was wait patiently for me when I walk out of the airport on a Saturday afternoon in late December.
The first two days were the happiest time of my life since MG left me, we been to many places. Her knowledge in history was amazing, and I just kept quiet and listen. It was Sunday night; we were walking along Pearl River wanting to buy ticket for the river cruise. Some kids were selling roses there, and I brought a stalk for her. We were trying to cross the road, and I make use of the chance to hold her hand. I don’t know what I am thinking that time, I kind of thought about MG and quickly let go of her hand after we cross the road.
“You are still in love with MG until now?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“I can never ever take a place in your heart if MG is still inside there.”
The rest of the night pass by in silent, I know the fish is crying again, I don’t need to see the tears cause I can feel it in my heart.
The rest of my stay in Guang Zhou was miserable; I tried to send a SMS to her every night but no reply ever come back.
Monday night.
‘Because of you, I spend half year of my saving to come all the way to see you. Because of this meet up, I even practice the way I breathe. Words can never express even 0.1% of my feeling for you. Because of this, I toss and turn in the night, unable to fall asleep.’
Tuesday night.
‘The way you care for me is the tragic that goes unnoticed by me. It only locks onto my heart whenever you are not around me. The friendliness that you have shown me is the regret of my life. It only shown on you face whenever I hurt you.’
Wednesday night.
‘Put my truthful love inside your palm, maybe we will be able to meet again someday. Write your name inside my heart, so that the storm will not be able to disturb the peacefulness inside.’
I left Guang Zhou with a broken heart. Never heard from her again until another six months later.
She sent me an email.
‘Loving a sailor is a high price to pay,
Loving him truly is hard when he is away,
It is being alone with nothing to hold,
It is being young but feelings so old,
It is having him whisper his love for you,
It is whispering back you love him too,
There comes a kiss and a promise for more,
As his ship slowly glides away from the shore,
Reluctantly, painfully letting her goes,
While your inside are dying from wanting him so,
Watching him leave with eyes full of tears,
Standing alone with your hopes, dreams and fears,
It is sending a letter with the stamp upside down,
To a far away love in a far away town,
It is going to temple to kneel and pray,
And really meaning the things you says,
Being in love will foster your dreams,
Of that far away sailor your mind fairly beams,
Days go by, no mail for a spell,
You wait for some word to hear that he is well,'
Then a letter arrives and you are given in,
To open his letter and read it with a grin,
Yes, he is well and misses you so,
And filled with the love you wanted to know,
Weeks are like months and months are like years,
You wait for the day when you will have no more fears,
Days go by slowly, how many have passed,
Then suddenly you realize it is here at last,
Yes, loving a sailor bitterness and fears,
Loneliness, sadness and despondent years,
Loving a sailor is no fun,
But it is worth the price when the battle is won
And remember he is thinking of you everyday,
He is sad and he is lonely while so far away,
So love him and miss him and hold your head high,
Be strong and have faith, wipe that tears from your eyes,
Your man is a seafarer, like that old ancient trader,
It is a high price you pay for loving a sailor!’
I replied.
‘I shouldn’t have thought about MG and let go of your hand, I should have give you a kiss before I left.’
Life is boring in Singapore, maybe only applied to me. So I was back in Singapore and I am back in poly, and I know that it is going to be a long boring one full year for me. It was one boring afternoon in early February; I went down to Bugis for a walk after I finish my class in poly. I happen to wander into an Internet café and decided to give a try on the Internet. I was sitting in front of the computer staring at the monitor screen, didn’t know where I should start.
Just then I saw a double deck bus passing by outside the café, and there is an ad on a popular website printed on the bus. So I decided to give it a try, and I typed the website address into the browser. It was a good website, I never knew it until much later. I manage to found a chat room channel and went in there for a chat. I didn’t know what nick to use, so I put a make believe name of Hydro, never knew that I was struck with this nick for the rest of my life.
From that chat room, I get to know a lot of friends, mostly girls of course. I slowly get to learn more and more things on the Internet after that, starting from email, messaging, homepage, forum and more. I was kind of addicted to the Internet, never ever able to quit it until now.
It was one evening, about one month later; I was in the same chat room chatting with my regular chat room friends. Katze a nick who have remain silent in the chat room for the pass one month start to PM me, saying that she would like to know more about me, so we start chatting in private.
“Why use a nick as Hydro?”
“The reason for this nick is that I just attend a lesson one morning about machinery lubrication; it can be Hydrodynamic or Hydrostatic. It kind of suit the double personality of me, the dynamic side of me is the cheerful outdoor type who will try any thing for an adventure, the static side of me is the quiet indoor type who can sit down peacefully to enjoy reading a book with a background of smoothing music. And Hydro is another name for water, which is an element that had been closely relate to me since the day I was born. What about you? Why Katze?”
“It is German for Cat.”
“You like cats? You know German?”
“Yes and yes, because I admire the German artist Vincent Van Gogh.”
“Starry Starry Night?”
“How did you know about that?”
“A song I like a lot.”
“Me too, it’s by Don Mclean and the actual name of the song is Vincent.”
Since then Starry Starry Night or so call Vincent have been the song for Katze and me, just like the song Love Me by Collin Raye have been the song for MG and me.
“Why the sudden silent”
“Suddenly thought of my ex girlfriend.”
“You still love her a lot?”
“I don’t know, use to fold 500 paper cranes for her.”
“That is so romantic, just like Vincent Van Gogh.”
“No, Vincent Van Gogh is insane, he cut his ear off.”
“Love is crazy.”
“You like poems?”
“Yes, why?”
“I give you my homepage address, I have posted some of my work there, just tell me what you think after reading that.”
“Ok.”
We log off after that, promise that we will be there for each other at the same time every night.
“Have you read my poems? What did you think about it?”
“Yes, and I felt the sorrow and loneliness in it.”
“How can that be? Most of my friends say that it give them a feeling of a carefree spirit after reading it.”
She was right, she seem to be the only one who can feel what my heart really felt deep inside.
“I saw your photos too, you are so tall and handsome. I always want a boyfriend that look like you.”
“What about you? It is kind of unfair now that you know how I look and I know nothing about you.”
“I don’t have any homepage, do you have ICQ? I send it to you.”
“I Seek You? Sure.”
She was a simple looking girl, but I knew there is a beautiful soul hiding inside there. Since then we switch from chat room to ICQ, until one year later.
“I am finishing my course and I will be going oversea soon, I will not be able to use chat room or ICQ. I give you my email address.”
“Ok, sure.”
She did send me email, nothing interesting except one.
‘The fish is crying, but the water is unable to see it’
I replied.
‘Water doesn’t need to see the tears, because he can feel the fish in his heart.’
It was six long months; actually it would not be so bad if not of the terrorist act on the world trade center. I felt that life is short, so I decide to go Guang Zhou for a tour just to meet Katze in person. I manage to contact her on ICQ and got her mobile phone number. There she was wait patiently for me when I walk out of the airport on a Saturday afternoon in late December.
The first two days were the happiest time of my life since MG left me, we been to many places. Her knowledge in history was amazing, and I just kept quiet and listen. It was Sunday night; we were walking along Pearl River wanting to buy ticket for the river cruise. Some kids were selling roses there, and I brought a stalk for her. We were trying to cross the road, and I make use of the chance to hold her hand. I don’t know what I am thinking that time, I kind of thought about MG and quickly let go of her hand after we cross the road.
“You are still in love with MG until now?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
“I can never ever take a place in your heart if MG is still inside there.”
The rest of the night pass by in silent, I know the fish is crying again, I don’t need to see the tears cause I can feel it in my heart.
The rest of my stay in Guang Zhou was miserable; I tried to send a SMS to her every night but no reply ever come back.
Monday night.
‘Because of you, I spend half year of my saving to come all the way to see you. Because of this meet up, I even practice the way I breathe. Words can never express even 0.1% of my feeling for you. Because of this, I toss and turn in the night, unable to fall asleep.’
Tuesday night.
‘The way you care for me is the tragic that goes unnoticed by me. It only locks onto my heart whenever you are not around me. The friendliness that you have shown me is the regret of my life. It only shown on you face whenever I hurt you.’
Wednesday night.
‘Put my truthful love inside your palm, maybe we will be able to meet again someday. Write your name inside my heart, so that the storm will not be able to disturb the peacefulness inside.’
I left Guang Zhou with a broken heart. Never heard from her again until another six months later.
She sent me an email.
‘Loving a sailor is a high price to pay,
Loving him truly is hard when he is away,
It is being alone with nothing to hold,
It is being young but feelings so old,
It is having him whisper his love for you,
It is whispering back you love him too,
There comes a kiss and a promise for more,
As his ship slowly glides away from the shore,
Reluctantly, painfully letting her goes,
While your inside are dying from wanting him so,
Watching him leave with eyes full of tears,
Standing alone with your hopes, dreams and fears,
It is sending a letter with the stamp upside down,
To a far away love in a far away town,
It is going to temple to kneel and pray,
And really meaning the things you says,
Being in love will foster your dreams,
Of that far away sailor your mind fairly beams,
Days go by, no mail for a spell,
You wait for some word to hear that he is well,'
Then a letter arrives and you are given in,
To open his letter and read it with a grin,
Yes, he is well and misses you so,
And filled with the love you wanted to know,
Weeks are like months and months are like years,
You wait for the day when you will have no more fears,
Days go by slowly, how many have passed,
Then suddenly you realize it is here at last,
Yes, loving a sailor bitterness and fears,
Loneliness, sadness and despondent years,
Loving a sailor is no fun,
But it is worth the price when the battle is won
And remember he is thinking of you everyday,
He is sad and he is lonely while so far away,
So love him and miss him and hold your head high,
Be strong and have faith, wipe that tears from your eyes,
Your man is a seafarer, like that old ancient trader,
It is a high price you pay for loving a sailor!’
I replied.
‘I shouldn’t have thought about MG and let go of your hand, I should have give you a kiss before I left.’
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