Love Calista

It rained so hard tonight. I could feel the wind piercing through my ribs. A rainy Christmas eve. It just made me feel sadder and lonelier. It had rained the day he was buried into the ground and I had cried just like now.

I was attracted to this cheerful guy when I first started helping out in the 'Home for the Disabled' three years back. He was a very special guy who was almost perfect if not for his eyes. He was blind. He became blind when he was 8. He got the high fever then and the doctors could do nothing. He lost his sight as a result. He told me he didn't really mind not being able to see because he could always touch and feel things we normal beings weren't able to.

I was really touched by his optimism. Even though he was blind, his eyes were the most soulful eyes that I had ever seen. He was extremely helpful towards others and always did his best to give others what he could. He showered his love lavishly on everyone he knew. He was like an angel. He had a kind and unselfish heart. He gave half of what he earned to charity and he would help out at the 'Home' almost everyday.

Whenever we were free from tending to the people at the 'Home', we would talk to one another for a long time. He talked about God a lot and how blessed was he to have found joy in the Lord. He didn't blame God for any misfortunes that had befallen on him. He said the Lord had his reasons for not giving him sight and he didn't blame God for the fact that his parent got killed in an accident when he was barely 12.

I felt somewhat ashamed when I heard his words since I had always blamed God for not giving me a prettier face. I bore a grudge against God for not giving this wonderful angel His fullest blessings. I thought that God was unfair to him for taking, apart from his sight, his loved ones away from him. I felt that he truly deserved more.

Luke and I were completely different from one another. He was an optimist and I was a pessimist. He could overlook flaws easily while I would always pick at others' faults. However we did have one thing in common. We both had an undying passion for astronomy. He told me he still remembered how lovely the stars had looked like before he became blind. And how his dad used to tell him about stars, black holes and space before God took him away to Heaven. One thing he didn't know was that I was silently crying for him all the time while he talked.

I knew then that I loved him more than I could ever loved anyone.

Luke and I had been together for almost two years. We could hardly bear to be away from one another for less than half a day. We spent most of our time helping out at the 'Home' and 'watching' the stars at a pasture near it. I would tell him the names and shapes of the constellations that appeared in the skies and he would listen carefully with a smile on his face. It seemed like he saw the stars that I told him, behind those soulful eyes that could never see the art of God.

Maybe God thought that Luke was too good for this world. He decided to bring him back to His side. Luke contracted leukemia that fateful 1994. He kept his illness from me and thus I didn't know anything about it at all. It was only when he started looking sick that I noticed something was wrong with him. When asked why, he would pass his paleness off as a slight flu. I didn't believe his words but I didn't say anything. It was September
1994.I was waiting at the 'Home' for Luke. "A call for you, Calista. It's from a hospital," a helper at the 'Home' passed the phone to me worriedly.

"Yes, hello? This is Calista here. Can I be of any help?" I asked, chewing my lips nervously, sensing bad vibes in my spines. "This is the Boulevard Hospital. We found your name and this number in Mr. Pietra's wallet. He had fainted on the streets just now and someone brought him in. I was hoping that you can come down to the hospital now and help us with the documents."

I hung up the phone and ran all the way in the rain to the hospital which was a mile away.

I signed whatever documents that were needed and ran to the ward that Luke was in. There he was my angel, lying almost lifeless on a bed that seemed too large for him.

"Calista, is that you?" He asked when I held his cold hand. "Yes it's me," I choked on my words. "Aww... please don't cry. Everything will be alright," he smiled. I looked at his pale face and it broke my heart. "Luke," I sobbed. "Why is God so unfair to you?" I bawled out on his chest. He stroked my hair and said softly, "God is fair, my love. He's gonna take me to a far better place called Heaven. Don't you agree?"

I didn't answer him as I was lost in my own thoughts. I really didn't know what was going to happen to me without him in my life. Moreover, I had this dreary feeling about going to hospitals ever since I was young. I felt so lost and detached from the world. Why must God take away my one and only true love?

Three months had passed ever since Luke was admitted into the hospital. It was December and Christmas was nearing. My visits to Luke had grown lesser over the three long painful months. Each time I visited Luke, we would have nothing much to talk about. There was always this awkward silence between us.

I didn't know what caused it but I guessed it had something to do with the atmosphere in the hospital. Luke had lost his cheerfulness over the months. He was always too tired to talk. At times, he would try his best to listen to me while I talked to him but the pills they fed him always put him to sleep before I could finish.

We drifted apart somehow although I still loved him a lot. I had only visited him once during December since I was busy working and the 'Home' needed helpers desperately.

It was the 24th of December. I realized that I had not visited Luke for almost three weeks! How funny time seemed to fly when you were busy. I had prepared a gift for Luke for the past two weeks. It was a piece of cardboard pasted with 3D star stickers. I called the constellation that I made up 'LoveLuke'. I hurried to the hospital with the gift in my hands.

I walked briskly to Luke's ward. On the way there, I felt a sudden fear in my heart. I didn't know why but somehow, it made me hurry my pace. To my ultimate fear and worst nightmare, Luke was not in his ward. He was gone! I ran to the counter and asked for Luke but was handed a package and a letter instead. I opened the letter with my tears flowing down like mad.

"My beloved Calista, please don't cry when you get this letter. I just want to let you know that I will be happier at the place where I'll be going soon. God and my parents are waiting impatiently for me. I'm looking forward to see them again. I know how busy you've been these past few weeks and I really missed you terribly. I know how much U dreaded coming to the hospital although U never said anything. I felt it. To tell you the
truth, I've thought of ending my life at times to end the pain and loneliness that my illness had brought me. However, I remembered that life is bestowed by the love of God and it would be a terrible mistake to kill myself just to escape misery.

"Now, I'm glad God decided to take me away earlier. I don't want to be a burden to you and I can't thank you enough for all the love and patience that you had given me through the hard times and the good times. U love me just the way I am even though I cant even do a small thing like watch a movie with you. Please don't blame God for taking me away. He does it because He loves me, just as much as He loves you.

"Don't ask why all the time. Things are planned and they are meant to be this way. Don't keep thinking that God is unfair and stop bearing grudges against him. God is a fair God. Everything that you lost today will be compensated in another way tomorrow. Just keep on believing.

"Remember err that I'll always love you even when I'm not by your side. You're the most beautiful person that I've ever 'seen' in my life, even though you are always complaining about the way you look. Beauty comes from within. Just to tell u that u will always be a part of me that I can’t lives without. Thank you once again for your sweetness and your wonderful unselfish love.

P.S. I'm sorry that I can't celebrate Christmas with you. Here's a gift I've prepared for you ever since the start of December.

Love,
Luke.E.Pietra."

I tore open the package, sobbing all the while. Inside it was a picture made up of tiny stickers of stars. On top of the black paper was written 'LoveCalista'. He too had made up a constellation for me. I knew how much effort and time he must have put in making the gift since he wasn't able to see. I cried my whole heart out that night at the hospital.

It was Christmas Day, 25th of December; 1994.Luke was laid into the ground. The rain was coming down hard. Nothing could describe my sadness. I was filled with remorse. In my busyness, I had neglected Luke. I should have spent more time with him. I didn't even get to see him for one last time before he died. I didn't really treasure him until he was gone. I missed him so much now.

I wanted so much to hug him and to tell him how much I loved him. But it was all too late. I had let time slip by and it would never come back to me. I had lost Luke forever. Forever, that word suddenly sounded as strange to me as I watched Luke's coffin being lowered into the ground. I cried for the man who taught me the ways of life.

The one person who changed my views towards many things. The angel who taught me to overlook others' flaws and to see the beauty behind imperfections. The one who told me to accept whatever cards that were dealt to me. Now this one person had left my side forever. Gone like the two pieces of pictures that carried the words 'LoveLuke' and 'LoveCalista'. They were buried together with the memory of Luke.

Treasure what you have now before it becomes regret, when it becomes too late. Time always slips us by when we least realize it. Let the people you love know what they mean to you, because you never know what might happen......life is too fragile