Whether or not your partner is right for you is one of the most important decisions of your life. Your entire future depends on these choices so how can you be sure you have the picked the right one?
Well, the first thing you need to do is honestly ask yourself is why you love or are with your partner? You would be surprised at the answers you hear when you ask that same question to your friends.
The wrong answers to that question include the following:
Because they love me.
It's better than being alone.
I don't want to hurt them.
Because I am not sure I would find someone better.
These answers indicate a relationship built upon fear, insecurity and pity. There are good matches out there, but if there are too many ifs, ands or buts then sooner or later the relationship will fail. Now that doesn't mean you will break up, you could stay together for the rest of your lives and still fail as a couple.
So the question still remains, how do you choose the right partner?
Obviously you are going to choose a partner that you are physically
attracted to. Apart from that aspect, there are a few important areas you should look at:
Communication Level
When you talk to them, are they on the same level as you? How long does it take them to answer your question? Do you get bored because they answer everything else under the sun rather than the question you asked or do you enjoy the tangents they take you on?
Do they speak very slowly compared to you? Do they understand you when you speak? Can you really talk to them about absolutely anything? This may not seem important now but could you imagine living with someone for the next 50 - 70 years that can never answer a direct question, frustrates you to no end by their speed of communication and just doesn't get it when are trying to explain something to them?
Common Interests
This is really a given. You have to have something in common with them to be able to be with them. Otherwise you will have nothing to talk about and nothing to do together. Yes, physically you may have great sex, but how far can that really take you? When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other person... or you end up living completely separate lives.
Ambitions
Do you both want the same things in life or are they going to hold you back? Are they willing to let you have that career you have always wanted? Even if it means working long hours plus going to school at night?
Ethics Level
Do they have the same values as you? Would they feel totally OK doing something that you would have strong objections to or vice versa? Do you have the same beliefs on major issues such as religion, prejudice, raising children etc? If not, is this something that will become a problem in the future?
Grooming and Cleanliness
Are they a slob and you the type of person that likes to keep the house immaculate? Do you take the same level of care of your appearance?
There is a lot of false information about relationships out there. One of the biggest lies is that opposites attract. That is really just a myth. Now a lot of the things I have listed above do come down to personal choice. It comes down to what you are and are not willing to accept. Just because you have fallen in love with someone does not mean that they are the right one for you. The number of people in physically abusive relationships should be testament enough to that. One thing is for sure. Do not settle for something less than you want because you are scared of hurting them, being alone or you feel this might be the best you can get. You never know what you might have missed that was right around the corner. Settling is always settling, no matter what way you look at it. By doing so, you will be left with a lifetime of "what ifs".
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, August 2, 2010
This Thing Call Love
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or yourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other words.
We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely
An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different. Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely
We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry. We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.
Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place after all:
LOVE is a happy thing.
It makes us laugh.
It makes us sing.
It makes us sad.
It makes us cry.
It makes us seek the reason why.
It makes us take.
It makes us give.
Above all else, it makes us LIVE.
It is not the presence or absence of people that makes the difference because a person need not be lonely even if he is alone. Sometimes it is good to be alone. But that does not make us lonely. It is not a matter of being present WITH someone. It is a matter of being present to someone.
So remember...
If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets.
Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway.
Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs. The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around.
We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely
An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different. Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely
We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry. We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.
Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place after all:
LOVE is a happy thing.
It makes us laugh.
It makes us sing.
It makes us sad.
It makes us cry.
It makes us seek the reason why.
It makes us take.
It makes us give.
Above all else, it makes us LIVE.
It is not the presence or absence of people that makes the difference because a person need not be lonely even if he is alone. Sometimes it is good to be alone. But that does not make us lonely. It is not a matter of being present WITH someone. It is a matter of being present to someone.
So remember...
If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets.
Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway.
Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs. The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around.
I've Come To Accept That...
... everybody has dreams, but not everyone is able to realise his/her dreams.
... some people just have everything going for them while the rest can struggle through their whole life and come to nothing.
... the rich will be richer while the poor poorer.
... you may not like what you're doing now, but you just have to continue with it because you have no other choice, and because you do not dare to stray off the "normal" path.
... you may not like the path that you have chosen, but many a time, you can't change it because circumstances do not allow you to change it.
... there are people who have no idea what they are doing but will eventually succeed in life, while those who think they know what they are doing may eventually come up to naught.
... no matter what everyone says otherwise, looks does count to some extent.
... those with pretty faces always seem to have it easier.
... there will never be total equality between the sexes.
... the intensity of our relationships with the people around us change with time and environment.
... the person who was once your best friend may turn out to be a stranger, or worse, your enemy.
... relationships (friends, love, etc) have to be carefully maintained, like your precious car, otherwise they will become all wrecked up before you know it.
... while you may think you have many friends, think again, do you really?
... while you think you know a person really well, the truth may turn out to be otherwise.
... you can never find a person who is 100% truthful to you.
... there are more hypocrites around you than you realise or wish to admit.
... you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.
... all parents love their children, but to varying degrees for each child. i.e. parents play favouritism, they don't love their children equally.
... one should be satisfied just knowing that one is loved even though one might be loved less than one's sibling(s) because there are orphans out there who have never known a parent's love.
... the world will never be a better place as long as humans are part of it.
... what is seen as progress may actually be a regression of humankind.
... there are more things out there I do not know about, much much more than the things I know.
... there are some things you do that others will think are sheer silliness, but as long as you think they are worth your time and effort, just do it!
... it is very hard to take care of everyone's feelings. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the things you do will hurt someone in one way or other.
... the saying "Money is not everything, but without money you have nothing" is very true.
... simply accepting the dire situation you're in makes you a loser.
... trying to change a dire situation does not necessarily make you a winner.
... you just can't rush some things. If it's meant to be yours, you'll get it eventually. If it's not meant to be yours, you'll never find it even if you try hard.
... like it or not, there are some things you just have to let go of.
... constantly looking back and thinking about what you should have done and what you should not have done in the past brings nothing but regrets. The more often you think back, the more regrets you will have.
... we are always taught to look to the future, but thinking about the future inevitably brings up the past and the regrets of past that many are more than willing to forget. Like it or not, we will always be stuck in this vicious circle of thoughts as long as we live.
... even though I hate the way the society works, I still have to live in it no matter what. I can't just go and die, can I?
... trying to solve problems by death is sheer escapism and a totally selfish thing to do. While you might think all your troubles have been solved with your departure from this world, you have given the people around you nothing but more trouble and grief, as though there is not enough to deal with without you adding to it.
... things are always easier said than done.
... there are far too many things out there that you wish to change but can't, so just accept it! That's life!
... some people just have everything going for them while the rest can struggle through their whole life and come to nothing.
... the rich will be richer while the poor poorer.
... you may not like what you're doing now, but you just have to continue with it because you have no other choice, and because you do not dare to stray off the "normal" path.
... you may not like the path that you have chosen, but many a time, you can't change it because circumstances do not allow you to change it.
... there are people who have no idea what they are doing but will eventually succeed in life, while those who think they know what they are doing may eventually come up to naught.
... no matter what everyone says otherwise, looks does count to some extent.
... those with pretty faces always seem to have it easier.
... there will never be total equality between the sexes.
... the intensity of our relationships with the people around us change with time and environment.
... the person who was once your best friend may turn out to be a stranger, or worse, your enemy.
... relationships (friends, love, etc) have to be carefully maintained, like your precious car, otherwise they will become all wrecked up before you know it.
... while you may think you have many friends, think again, do you really?
... while you think you know a person really well, the truth may turn out to be otherwise.
... you can never find a person who is 100% truthful to you.
... there are more hypocrites around you than you realise or wish to admit.
... you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.
... all parents love their children, but to varying degrees for each child. i.e. parents play favouritism, they don't love their children equally.
... one should be satisfied just knowing that one is loved even though one might be loved less than one's sibling(s) because there are orphans out there who have never known a parent's love.
... the world will never be a better place as long as humans are part of it.
... what is seen as progress may actually be a regression of humankind.
... there are more things out there I do not know about, much much more than the things I know.
... there are some things you do that others will think are sheer silliness, but as long as you think they are worth your time and effort, just do it!
... it is very hard to take care of everyone's feelings. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the things you do will hurt someone in one way or other.
... the saying "Money is not everything, but without money you have nothing" is very true.
... simply accepting the dire situation you're in makes you a loser.
... trying to change a dire situation does not necessarily make you a winner.
... you just can't rush some things. If it's meant to be yours, you'll get it eventually. If it's not meant to be yours, you'll never find it even if you try hard.
... like it or not, there are some things you just have to let go of.
... constantly looking back and thinking about what you should have done and what you should not have done in the past brings nothing but regrets. The more often you think back, the more regrets you will have.
... we are always taught to look to the future, but thinking about the future inevitably brings up the past and the regrets of past that many are more than willing to forget. Like it or not, we will always be stuck in this vicious circle of thoughts as long as we live.
... even though I hate the way the society works, I still have to live in it no matter what. I can't just go and die, can I?
... trying to solve problems by death is sheer escapism and a totally selfish thing to do. While you might think all your troubles have been solved with your departure from this world, you have given the people around you nothing but more trouble and grief, as though there is not enough to deal with without you adding to it.
... things are always easier said than done.
... there are far too many things out there that you wish to change but can't, so just accept it! That's life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)