Finding The Right Partner

Whether or not your partner is right for you is one of the most important decisions of your life. Your entire future depends on these choices so how can you be sure you have the picked the right one?

Well, the first thing you need to do is honestly ask yourself is why you love or are with your partner? You would be surprised at the answers you hear when you ask that same question to your friends.

The wrong answers to that question include the following:
Because they love me.
It's better than being alone.
I don't want to hurt them.
Because I am not sure I would find someone better.

These answers indicate a relationship built upon fear, insecurity and pity. There are good matches out there, but if there are too many ifs, ands or buts then sooner or later the relationship will fail. Now that doesn't mean you will break up, you could stay together for the rest of your lives and still fail as a couple.

So the question still remains, how do you choose the right partner?
Obviously you are going to choose a partner that you are physically
attracted to. Apart from that aspect, there are a few important areas you should look at:

Communication Level
When you talk to them, are they on the same level as you? How long does it take them to answer your question? Do you get bored because they answer everything else under the sun rather than the question you asked or do you enjoy the tangents they take you on?
Do they speak very slowly compared to you? Do they understand you when you speak? Can you really talk to them about absolutely anything? This may not seem important now but could you imagine living with someone for the next 50 - 70 years that can never answer a direct question, frustrates you to no end by their speed of communication and just doesn't get it when are trying to explain something to them?

Common Interests
This is really a given. You have to have something in common with them to be able to be with them. Otherwise you will have nothing to talk about and nothing to do together. Yes, physically you may have great sex, but how far can that really take you? When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other person... or you end up living completely separate lives.

Ambitions
Do you both want the same things in life or are they going to hold you back? Are they willing to let you have that career you have always wanted? Even if it means working long hours plus going to school at night?

Ethics Level
Do they have the same values as you? Would they feel totally OK doing something that you would have strong objections to or vice versa? Do you have the same beliefs on major issues such as religion, prejudice, raising children etc? If not, is this something that will become a problem in the future?

Grooming and Cleanliness
Are they a slob and you the type of person that likes to keep the house immaculate? Do you take the same level of care of your appearance?

There is a lot of false information about relationships out there. One of the biggest lies is that opposites attract. That is really just a myth. Now a lot of the things I have listed above do come down to personal choice. It comes down to what you are and are not willing to accept. Just because you have fallen in love with someone does not mean that they are the right one for you. The number of people in physically abusive relationships should be testament enough to that. One thing is for sure. Do not settle for something less than you want because you are scared of hurting them, being alone or you feel this might be the best you can get. You never know what you might have missed that was right around the corner. Settling is always settling, no matter what way you look at it. By doing so, you will be left with a lifetime of "what ifs".

This Thing Call Love

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or yourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other words.

We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted

Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely

An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different. Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.

A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same
A daughter comes home late, way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely
We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.

The problem is listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.

The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry. We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.

Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place after all:

LOVE is a happy thing.
It makes us laugh.
It makes us sing.
It makes us sad.
It makes us cry.
It makes us seek the reason why.
It makes us take.
It makes us give.
Above all else, it makes us LIVE.

It is not the presence or absence of people that makes the difference because a person need not be lonely even if he is alone. Sometimes it is good to be alone. But that does not make us lonely. It is not a matter of being present WITH someone. It is a matter of being present to someone.
So remember...
If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets.
Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway.

Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs. The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around.

Handling Love

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her/him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
Don't deny love just only you don't want to be hurt...

IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT WILL COME AGAIN

Happiness

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching.

I've Come To Accept That...

... everybody has dreams, but not everyone is able to realise his/her dreams.
... some people just have everything going for them while the rest can struggle through their whole life and come to nothing.
... the rich will be richer while the poor poorer.
... you may not like what you're doing now, but you just have to continue with it because you have no other choice, and because you do not dare to stray off the "normal" path.
... you may not like the path that you have chosen, but many a time, you can't change it because circumstances do not allow you to change it.
... there are people who have no idea what they are doing but will eventually succeed in life, while those who think they know what they are doing may eventually come up to naught.
... no matter what everyone says otherwise, looks does count to some extent.
... those with pretty faces always seem to have it easier.
... there will never be total equality between the sexes.
... the intensity of our relationships with the people around us change with time and environment.
... the person who was once your best friend may turn out to be a stranger, or worse, your enemy.
... relationships (friends, love, etc) have to be carefully maintained, like your precious car, otherwise they will become all wrecked up before you know it.
... while you may think you have many friends, think again, do you really?
... while you think you know a person really well, the truth may turn out to be otherwise.
... you can never find a person who is 100% truthful to you.
... there are more hypocrites around you than you realise or wish to admit.
... you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.
... all parents love their children, but to varying degrees for each child. i.e. parents play favouritism, they don't love their children equally.
... one should be satisfied just knowing that one is loved even though one might be loved less than one's sibling(s) because there are orphans out there who have never known a parent's love.
... the world will never be a better place as long as humans are part of it.
... what is seen as progress may actually be a regression of humankind.
... there are more things out there I do not know about, much much more than the things I know.
... there are some things you do that others will think are sheer silliness, but as long as you think they are worth your time and effort, just do it!
... it is very hard to take care of everyone's feelings. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the things you do will hurt someone in one way or other.
... the saying "Money is not everything, but without money you have nothing" is very true.
... simply accepting the dire situation you're in makes you a loser.
... trying to change a dire situation does not necessarily make you a winner.
... you just can't rush some things. If it's meant to be yours, you'll get it eventually. If it's not meant to be yours, you'll never find it even if you try hard.
... like it or not, there are some things you just have to let go of.
... constantly looking back and thinking about what you should have done and what you should not have done in the past brings nothing but regrets. The more often you think back, the more regrets you will have.
... we are always taught to look to the future, but thinking about the future inevitably brings up the past and the regrets of past that many are more than willing to forget. Like it or not, we will always be stuck in this vicious circle of thoughts as long as we live.
... even though I hate the way the society works, I still have to live in it no matter what. I can't just go and die, can I?
... trying to solve problems by death is sheer escapism and a totally selfish thing to do. While you might think all your troubles have been solved with your departure from this world, you have given the people around you nothing but more trouble and grief, as though there is not enough to deal with without you adding to it.
... things are always easier said than done.
... there are far too many things out there that you wish to change but can't, so just accept it! That's life!

Starfish

Amidst the morning mist of the swift returning tide I set out on my daily run, my walkman on my side. Lost within my private world apart from cares and woes I ran along the moistened shore, the sand between my toes.

In the distance, I saw a boy, as busy as can be. He was running, stooping, picking up, and tossing in the sea. Just what he threw, I couldn't tell, I looked as I drew near. It seemed to be a rock or shell - as I approached him I could hear:

"Back you go, where you belong. Your safe now hurry home. Your family's waiting for you little starfish, hurry on!" It seemed the evening tide had washed the starfish on the shore, And the swift receding water left a thousand there or more.

And this self-appointed savior, was trying one-by-one To toss them back into the sea, against the racing sun. I saw his plight was hopeless, that most of them would die. I called out from my private world, "Hey Kid, why even try?"

"Must be at least a thousand here, strewn along the beach, And even if you had the time, most you'll never reach. You really think it makes a difference, to waste your time this way?" And then I paused and waited, just to hear what he would say.

He stooped and took another, and looked me in the eye. "It makes a difference to this one sir, this starfish will not die!" With that, he tossed the little life, back where there was hope. He stooped to take another. I could tell this was no joke.

The words that he spoke to me cut like a surgeon's knife. Where I saw only numbers, he saw only life. He didn't see the multitude of starfish on the sand. He only saw the little life he held there in his hand.

He didn't stop to argue, to prove that he was right. He just kept tossing starfish in the sea with all his might. So I too stooped, and I picked up, and I tossed into the sea, And I thought, just what a difference, that this boy has made in me.

Poor

One day a father and his rich family took his young son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night in the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"Very good, Dad!"

"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.

"Yeah!" "And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon.

When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.

His son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are!" Isn't it true that it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude toward life, you've got everything!

You can't buy any of these things. You can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing!