You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. You wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way. Philosophery
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
An Enchanted Voyage
A dream fulfilled, a fairy tale in the sea. I had spend most of my life working onboard ship, and it had always been my dream to spend a trip onboard a ship without any work involve. The main concern I had is not about the money, but mainly because of the time itself. I had been very busy with my work all these years and never really got a chance to pursuit the kind of life I really wanted. So it had come to a point where enough is enough, and I had to make a drastic decision to get myself away from my work to pursuit a dream which I had never got a chance to fulfill. My management might hate me for my decision as I am suppose to guide the new Assistance Technical Superintendent on the docking repair of the vessel Avon.
I got a very good wife, a wife which a most men could only dream of. She had been very accommodating with me on my work, and had never complaint even I had never bring her on any oversea trip for more than two years. The last trip we had was a family trip to Vietnam when I left my last company. This trip was the only compensation I could make up to her after all these years where we had been married. So I book for the trip on the internet and apply for my annual leave the next working day when I am back at the office. It was exactly one month before my birthday, and everything seem to fall right into place with the Gala Dinner onboard the cruise ship on the exact day of my birthday.
I always wanted a balcony, but my mom had destroy my dream due to her selfishness when we first renovate our new house thirteen years ago. I was very lucky as the tour agency had inform me that there is only one Ocean View State Room with Balcony left when I book for the cruise. It was a chance not to be miss, and I had made the right decision on the spot without much hesitation. I had never regret that harsh decision as both my wife and me actually enjoy the coming voyage which was so enchanting that we forgot everything we left behind back in Singapore.
The whole package cost S$2,218 for two, with Cabin Fare of S$988, Passenger Handling Charge of S$100 and Fuel Surcharge of S$21 per person. We get to enjoy priority embarkation with complimentary drinks, dinning credit of S$200, special access to SPA facilities and exclusive balcony class seat at the Theater.
Day 1 5th Dec 2010 Sunday
We arrival at 1400 hrs on 5th Dec 2010 at Singapore Cruise Center to check in our baggage, proceed to register for our access card and immigration clearance at Level 2 before we board the vessel. We arrival at our new home at about 1530 hrs and was welcome by the staffs with the complementary drinks at the Grand Piazza at Deck 7. I spend S$128 of dinning credit for a Yellow Label Champagne for the Gala Dinner, and proceed to Deck 11 to leave our bags at our Room 11036.
We were a bit late when we arrive at Lido Theater at 1615 hrs for the booking of Restaurant for the Gala Dinner, both Samurai at Deck 8 (Japanese) and Noble House at Deck 7 (Chinese) were already fully book by the queue number 30 and below, and the queue number we get for our booking is 134. So the next better choice we have is the Western Set Dinner at Bella Vista located at Deck 6. The staffs come and pester us to spend our remain dining credit on another bottle of Canalleto Pinot Grigio (Sparking White Wine) which cost S$50 and Chateau Los Boldos Cabernet Sauvignon (Red Wine) which cost S$39. I had over spend S$17 on top of my S$200 dining credit within an hour onboard the vessel, but at least I got two bottle of wine to bring back after the trip.
It was Afternoon Tea at Mediterranean at Deck 12 at 1630 hrs, then it was Carnival Opening Ceremony at Grand Piazza at Deck 7 at 1745 hrs, Sail Away Party at Parthenon Pool at Deck 12 at 1800 hrs and Ship Tour at Deck 12 Activity Center at 1830 hrs. We have our Dinner at Mediterranean at Deck 12 at 1900 hrs and return back to our Room 11036 at Deck 11 at 1945 hrs to wash up for the evening.
Carnival Opening Ceremony at Grand Piazza at Deck 7 at 1745 hrs
I actually planned for the 2015 hrs Juggling Show at Lido Theater at Deck 7 but my wife had took too much time in her shower and I had to change the plan for the evening to Line Dancing at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 2100 hrs instead. Another S$16 was spend on Cocktail Drink while we were at Galaxy Of The Star. We manage to catch the second Juggling Show at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 2200 hrs before we call it a day at 2245 hrs.
Day 2 6th Dec 2010 Monday
We woke up the next day morning at 0730 hrs and have our Breakfast at Pavilion at Deck 6 at 0800 hrs. It was Line Dancing with Snowman at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 0930 hrs, Latin Groove at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1000 hrs and S$30,000 Bingo at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1100 hrs. I brought two set of Bingo Ticket at S$30 and get a free Bingo Ticket for Bingo Bonanza on Wednesday Morning, I also brought five Instant Win Ticket at S$20 which give one more free Instant Win Ticket. We did not manage to win the Bingo but we did manage to win S$4 from the Instant Win. We have to go all the way to Oasis Casino to claim the prize money for the Instant Win.
We have our Lunch at Pavilion at Deck 6 at 1200 hrs and prepare for our City and Shopping Tour in Penang at 1430 hrs. The vessel arrive at Penang at 1400 hrs and we gather at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 1415 hrs for the Tour. The Tour cost S$55 per person and include Trishaw Ride, Wat Chayamankalaram Temple Visit and Shopping at Gurney Plaza. We get to buy some Local Delights at Shop and I spend RM 206 for some coffee, biscuit and medicate oil. We have our light dinner at Gurney Drive Hawker, RM 4 for Fried Kway Teow, RM 6 for Satay and RM 4 for Coconut. I brought a Ocean Blue Sapphire Pendant with Platinum Gold Chain for RM 902 at Gold Heart Jewelry at Gurney Plaza for my wife and I was entitled to 9 Lucky Draw Coupon which give me a chance to win a car.
Wat Chayamankalaram Temple at Penang Island
We arrive back at the vessel at 1930 hrs and have our Dinner at Pavilion at Deck 6 at 2000 hrs before we head back to our Room 11036 to wash up for the evening. We went for the Spotlight Crew Show at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 2145 hrs and call it a day at 2230 hrs.
Day 3 7th Dec 2010 Tuesday
We woke up late the next day morning at 0730 hrs as my mobile phone had adjust its time to an hour later to match the Thailand Time Zone. We decided to skip breakfast and bring along the biscuit we brought yesterday and gather at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 0745 hrs for the Elephant Riding Adventure Tour. The Tour cost S$85 per person and include visit to Cashew Nut Factory, Elephant Ride at Adventure Safari, Wat Chalong Thai Temple Visit and Thai Buffet Lunch. I spend 650 Baht for the Elephant Ride Photos, 270 Baht on Cashew Nut, 102 Baht on Tiramisu Chocolate and 800 Baht for a dress and two hand bags for wife. We manage to go for Traditional Thai Massage for Two at Grand Merlini SPA at 1500 Baht at Patong Beach and tips the Therapists 100 Baht each for their excellence services.
Cashew Nut Factory at Phuket Island
We arrive back at the vessel at 1630 hrs and wash up for the evening to prepare for the Gala Dinner that night. The evening started with Fashion Show at Grand Piazza at Deck 7 at 1755 hrs, follow by Gala Cocktails at Bellini at Deck 8 at 1815 hrs. The Gala Dinner started at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1845 hrs and we have Baked Escargot and Smoked Salmon and Nori for our appetizer, Ox Tail Broth and Cream Of Mushroom for our soup, Grilled Beef Tenderloin and Seafood Thermidor Style Gratin for our main course and finish with Baked Alaska for our dessert. I got a complimentary birthday cake from Blue Lagoon at Deck 7 and it was delivered to our table 55 at Bella Vista with birthday song from all the staffs there.
Gala Dinner at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1845 hrs
It was Gala Show Rasputin at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 2115 hrs, Juggling Lesson with Terry Parade at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 2200 hrs, Game Show with Cruise Director JM at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 2240 hrs. I brought the Terry Parade DVD for S$25 and we call it a day at 2310 hrs and went back to our Room 11036.
Day 4 8th Dec 2010 Wednesday
We had breakfast at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 0800 hrs the next day morning and Tinikling Traditional Filipino Bamboo Dance at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1000 hrs. I took part in the Game Show The Weakest Link at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1030 hrs and manage to survive until Round Three before I was eliminated. It was Bingo Bonanza at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1115 hrs after that and Lunch at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1200 hrs. We spend S$50 on the Slot Machine at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 after Lunch and my wife actually manage to get the winning to S$65 with three lucky hit. But we did not walk away and decided to finish all the credit while we wait for the S$38,000 Bingo at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1400 hrs.
It was Hip Hop Dance at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1500 hrs and we went back to our Room 11036 to wash up for the day at 1545 hrs and check out at Reception Counter at Deck 7 at 1630 hrs. We had our last dinner at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1700 hrs and get off the vessel at 1930 hrs.
I got a very good wife, a wife which a most men could only dream of. She had been very accommodating with me on my work, and had never complaint even I had never bring her on any oversea trip for more than two years. The last trip we had was a family trip to Vietnam when I left my last company. This trip was the only compensation I could make up to her after all these years where we had been married. So I book for the trip on the internet and apply for my annual leave the next working day when I am back at the office. It was exactly one month before my birthday, and everything seem to fall right into place with the Gala Dinner onboard the cruise ship on the exact day of my birthday.
I always wanted a balcony, but my mom had destroy my dream due to her selfishness when we first renovate our new house thirteen years ago. I was very lucky as the tour agency had inform me that there is only one Ocean View State Room with Balcony left when I book for the cruise. It was a chance not to be miss, and I had made the right decision on the spot without much hesitation. I had never regret that harsh decision as both my wife and me actually enjoy the coming voyage which was so enchanting that we forgot everything we left behind back in Singapore.
The whole package cost S$2,218 for two, with Cabin Fare of S$988, Passenger Handling Charge of S$100 and Fuel Surcharge of S$21 per person. We get to enjoy priority embarkation with complimentary drinks, dinning credit of S$200, special access to SPA facilities and exclusive balcony class seat at the Theater.
Day 1 5th Dec 2010 Sunday
We arrival at 1400 hrs on 5th Dec 2010 at Singapore Cruise Center to check in our baggage, proceed to register for our access card and immigration clearance at Level 2 before we board the vessel. We arrival at our new home at about 1530 hrs and was welcome by the staffs with the complementary drinks at the Grand Piazza at Deck 7. I spend S$128 of dinning credit for a Yellow Label Champagne for the Gala Dinner, and proceed to Deck 11 to leave our bags at our Room 11036.
We were a bit late when we arrive at Lido Theater at 1615 hrs for the booking of Restaurant for the Gala Dinner, both Samurai at Deck 8 (Japanese) and Noble House at Deck 7 (Chinese) were already fully book by the queue number 30 and below, and the queue number we get for our booking is 134. So the next better choice we have is the Western Set Dinner at Bella Vista located at Deck 6. The staffs come and pester us to spend our remain dining credit on another bottle of Canalleto Pinot Grigio (Sparking White Wine) which cost S$50 and Chateau Los Boldos Cabernet Sauvignon (Red Wine) which cost S$39. I had over spend S$17 on top of my S$200 dining credit within an hour onboard the vessel, but at least I got two bottle of wine to bring back after the trip.
It was Afternoon Tea at Mediterranean at Deck 12 at 1630 hrs, then it was Carnival Opening Ceremony at Grand Piazza at Deck 7 at 1745 hrs, Sail Away Party at Parthenon Pool at Deck 12 at 1800 hrs and Ship Tour at Deck 12 Activity Center at 1830 hrs. We have our Dinner at Mediterranean at Deck 12 at 1900 hrs and return back to our Room 11036 at Deck 11 at 1945 hrs to wash up for the evening.
Carnival Opening Ceremony at Grand Piazza at Deck 7 at 1745 hrs
I actually planned for the 2015 hrs Juggling Show at Lido Theater at Deck 7 but my wife had took too much time in her shower and I had to change the plan for the evening to Line Dancing at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 2100 hrs instead. Another S$16 was spend on Cocktail Drink while we were at Galaxy Of The Star. We manage to catch the second Juggling Show at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 2200 hrs before we call it a day at 2245 hrs.
Day 2 6th Dec 2010 Monday
We woke up the next day morning at 0730 hrs and have our Breakfast at Pavilion at Deck 6 at 0800 hrs. It was Line Dancing with Snowman at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 0930 hrs, Latin Groove at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1000 hrs and S$30,000 Bingo at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1100 hrs. I brought two set of Bingo Ticket at S$30 and get a free Bingo Ticket for Bingo Bonanza on Wednesday Morning, I also brought five Instant Win Ticket at S$20 which give one more free Instant Win Ticket. We did not manage to win the Bingo but we did manage to win S$4 from the Instant Win. We have to go all the way to Oasis Casino to claim the prize money for the Instant Win.
We have our Lunch at Pavilion at Deck 6 at 1200 hrs and prepare for our City and Shopping Tour in Penang at 1430 hrs. The vessel arrive at Penang at 1400 hrs and we gather at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 1415 hrs for the Tour. The Tour cost S$55 per person and include Trishaw Ride, Wat Chayamankalaram Temple Visit and Shopping at Gurney Plaza. We get to buy some Local Delights at Shop and I spend RM 206 for some coffee, biscuit and medicate oil. We have our light dinner at Gurney Drive Hawker, RM 4 for Fried Kway Teow, RM 6 for Satay and RM 4 for Coconut. I brought a Ocean Blue Sapphire Pendant with Platinum Gold Chain for RM 902 at Gold Heart Jewelry at Gurney Plaza for my wife and I was entitled to 9 Lucky Draw Coupon which give me a chance to win a car.
Wat Chayamankalaram Temple at Penang Island
We arrive back at the vessel at 1930 hrs and have our Dinner at Pavilion at Deck 6 at 2000 hrs before we head back to our Room 11036 to wash up for the evening. We went for the Spotlight Crew Show at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 2145 hrs and call it a day at 2230 hrs.
Day 3 7th Dec 2010 Tuesday
We woke up late the next day morning at 0730 hrs as my mobile phone had adjust its time to an hour later to match the Thailand Time Zone. We decided to skip breakfast and bring along the biscuit we brought yesterday and gather at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 0745 hrs for the Elephant Riding Adventure Tour. The Tour cost S$85 per person and include visit to Cashew Nut Factory, Elephant Ride at Adventure Safari, Wat Chalong Thai Temple Visit and Thai Buffet Lunch. I spend 650 Baht for the Elephant Ride Photos, 270 Baht on Cashew Nut, 102 Baht on Tiramisu Chocolate and 800 Baht for a dress and two hand bags for wife. We manage to go for Traditional Thai Massage for Two at Grand Merlini SPA at 1500 Baht at Patong Beach and tips the Therapists 100 Baht each for their excellence services.
Cashew Nut Factory at Phuket Island
We arrive back at the vessel at 1630 hrs and wash up for the evening to prepare for the Gala Dinner that night. The evening started with Fashion Show at Grand Piazza at Deck 7 at 1755 hrs, follow by Gala Cocktails at Bellini at Deck 8 at 1815 hrs. The Gala Dinner started at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1845 hrs and we have Baked Escargot and Smoked Salmon and Nori for our appetizer, Ox Tail Broth and Cream Of Mushroom for our soup, Grilled Beef Tenderloin and Seafood Thermidor Style Gratin for our main course and finish with Baked Alaska for our dessert. I got a complimentary birthday cake from Blue Lagoon at Deck 7 and it was delivered to our table 55 at Bella Vista with birthday song from all the staffs there.
Gala Dinner at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1845 hrs
It was Gala Show Rasputin at Lido Theater at Deck 7 at 2115 hrs, Juggling Lesson with Terry Parade at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 2200 hrs, Game Show with Cruise Director JM at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 2240 hrs. I brought the Terry Parade DVD for S$25 and we call it a day at 2310 hrs and went back to our Room 11036.
Day 4 8th Dec 2010 Wednesday
We had breakfast at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 0800 hrs the next day morning and Tinikling Traditional Filipino Bamboo Dance at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1000 hrs. I took part in the Game Show The Weakest Link at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1030 hrs and manage to survive until Round Three before I was eliminated. It was Bingo Bonanza at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1115 hrs after that and Lunch at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1200 hrs. We spend S$50 on the Slot Machine at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 after Lunch and my wife actually manage to get the winning to S$65 with three lucky hit. But we did not walk away and decided to finish all the credit while we wait for the S$38,000 Bingo at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1400 hrs.
It was Hip Hop Dance at Galaxy Of The Star at Deck 12 at 1500 hrs and we went back to our Room 11036 to wash up for the day at 1545 hrs and check out at Reception Counter at Deck 7 at 1630 hrs. We had our last dinner at Bella Vista at Deck 6 at 1700 hrs and get off the vessel at 1930 hrs.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Proofs that Santa doesn't exist.
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 71.604 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa,meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's been vaporized by now.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 71.604 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second each.
In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa,meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's been vaporized by now.
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